Nika Vrai

What are you afraid of?

MusingsVeronica Mendoza

A few weeks ago my love asked me "what are you afraid of." I am an anxiety ridden person, so I can list a huge number of things, but I knew what he was really asking. He was asking why I wasn't putting myself, my work, my message out into the world, even though that is what my soul is desiring most. To identify the fear is easy, it is a fear of being judged, but to get past all of the ways I fear of being judged is another thing. It's odd too because I fear sharing my thoughts more than being photographed naked. 

As I write this and think about my list of fears related to revealing me, it feels like standing at the entrance of a haunted house tunnel, the only way to get out is through and you know you are scared shitless but there is no alternative. I can visualize all the "zombies", "hidden creatures" waiting to jump out, having to remind myself they are not real and that they can not truly hurt me. So here I go, taking the first step into the tunnel, by naming the fears because once you identify them they lose their power.

I'm not that great at the technical stuff in photography
My images are not uniques enough (I think every artist struggles with this)
My work is not that important to anyone else but me
I do not provide enough value for people to want to work with me
I suck at spelling, grammar... writing in general
My work is too erotic/sexual/inappropriate
No one will resonate/comment on my work

It feels damn good to call them out! I hope each day I can get through the tunnel a little more and maybe in few months or in a year I will reach the other end and think "that wasn't so bad" (as you usually do after a "scary ride").

Much love!